Random heart wounds

I suddenly start to feel weird, nothing is as it was a few years ago. Sometimes it's like... mmm... feeling like everything is great, and sometimes is the opposite...

I'm stuck between my feelings and my future, and i hate that they are like a couple of kids fighting because the want their favorite toy. That toy is me, i feel like that... like a simple puppet being handled by nobody.

I'ts hard to decide which path do i want to go... the one where i didin't think of consequences, and like in a kiss's song i was listening yesterday: "want to rock n' roll al nite, and party everyday".... or get going to my, let's say, pre-destined path... where i should be starting to think about my life, my future, and all that crap that a 5-year-old would say: "that's boring, that's grownup stuff!!!"

The saddest thing is that i feel like a boy, but stuck in a old man's suit. I want to make people see how easy life is... but, it's easier to make them see that, that seeing it by myself...

I don't have anyone that listens to what i have to say... or i always think that, because of my past... my past made my mind is shut and my heart get closed... and maybe that's why i can't talk to anyone about my true feelings... it's like every desition i make, hurts somebody...

I'm confused at this time, i love her.... i really do... but my heart shuts... i know she loves me (or at least, she used to) but, i don't feel her... i don't fucking know why!!!!

My life is turning into crap, if i'm with her, i feel suffocated... if i'm alone, i feel lonely... yes, it's not the same...

I enjoy talking to a girl, as long as i don't have a commitment with her... i saw her yesterday, i tried to talk to her, my heart was screaming real hard... but, all my mind did was... looking to the other side.

Fuck! how i hate this! i really do!

If you read this... i know someone it's translating to you, but i want you to know... i saw your sad poem... it struck me like a lightening... but, i'm not ready yet... all i could say to you... was that words i whispered to your ear, while a tear was coming from my eyes.... i'm sorry, i know how i'm making you feel... but, i hope that, someday i can love you, as you loved me...

Sorry... i really am!